3.09.2009

Hair and wild boar

Scott Adams非常具娛樂性的新文章,談讓女人開心的小技巧。

讓我想到某篇我也很喜歡的舊文章,原網頁似乎已經移除,只好整篇重貼︰

Frickin’ Komodo Dragons

from The Dilbert Blog by Scott_Adams

The Middle Ages was a great time to be a guy. In those days, men were the kings of their castles. Guys made the rules because being large and strong were the two most important things. If a wild boar attacked a family’s twig-and-mud hovel, it was the man’s job to beat the boar to death with a big rock. A woman understood that she was safer with a man around, even if he sometimes got drunk and confused her with a wild boar. But nothing good lasts forever.

As time went by, men became less and less important. Fast forward to the present day and women have jobs and educations and money and handguns.  The only thing that women need from men is the occasional sex and even less occasional impregnation.

Then we see in the news that Miss USA has been making out with Miss Teen USA and totally legitimizing the heterosexual girl-on-girl concept. Those two didn’t start the trend, but I’ll bet they made it a lot more popular. Now straight women everywhere are thinking, “Wait a minute…you mean I can just date other women? Sweet!” How is a guy going to compete with that?

And then – when I thought things couldn’t get any worse – the final straw. I recently read that a Komodo dragon in a British zoo had babies without ever being around a male Komodo dragon. My first reaction to that story was to wonder if the zoo keeper was getting some Komodo poontang after hours. I don’t think there’s any precedent for a human knocking up a reptile, but there’s no precedent for a Komodo dragon having a baby without a male Komodo dragon’s participation either. So in terms of explanatory power, I say it’s a toss up.

But let’s say the scientists are right this time. They did check the DNA, presumably to rule out the humans. And apparently there are other lizard species that can have a baby without a male. STOP GIVING OUR HUMAN WOMEN IDEAS, YOU STUPID LIZARDS!!!

As soon as human women can become pregnant via a process of “wanting to,” or whatever the Komodo dragons were doing, there’s really no point in having men around at all.

The only hope for men is that the energy crisis continues to worsen. In China there’s a technology where the methane gas from pigs kept in the pen outside is piped into the house and used for cooking. Someday men will be living in pens, with copper tubes up their asses to provide methane to the house occupied by hot heterosexual women who are getting pregnant just by concentrating hard.

I say bring back the Middle Ages, but with more soap and better dentistry.

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